I'll Remember You
by angelsinstead
Summary: These are the memoirs of Lawrence Alamain as written to his beloved Katerina. Read 'em and weep.
1. Letter Number 1

_Author's Note: This is the memoirs of Lawrence Alamain. I don't own Days of our Lives or any of the characters. This is for entertainment only._

**Letter Number 1**

My dearest Katerina,

For all of my life and for the rest of my days, I will remember you, although I am sure you would choose to forget me. I hope as my letters arrive at your door, you will realize that I am not the enemy. I was the man who loved you. I was the first in your heart... and I will never forget you. You are burned in my memory for all of eternity, a flame which is as bright as the love that was once ours.

Where does a man start when he bears his heart and soul to the woman he loves? Shall I go back to the beginning; my childhood and all of it's many heartaches? I was born on March 12, 1960 to Leopold and Philomenia Alamain. When I took my first breath, I became the heir to the Alamain fortune. Upon my birth, my father had a tree planted in the garden of the estate in my honor of his first-born son and my mother hired a nanny to come care for me as she was far too delicate. My early years were rather uneventful, growing up in the nursery and being attended by countless nannies and tutors, until the day that HE came into our lives.

They had named him Forest, and my love for him became my very existence. My parents were always away on business as they were traveling the world. They hadn't the time to trouble themselves with small children. Although they were always absent, he was always there. He was my infant brother, and I adored him with my very soul.

He was such a bright light in the lives of all he touched. His laughter filled up the rooms in the castle-like fortress in which I grew up. I needed him with all my heart, because from infancy my parents had practically abandoned me. They were never there, so without Forest, I would have been totally alone, and my world would have become a cold, dark casket.

Life isn't fair and as you know, I lost my brother. He was only a child of two. The nanny stepped out of the room for just a few minutes, and when she returned, she found Forest had drowned in the swimming pool. For what seemed like an eternity, I was left in the pool with the body. He was floating face-down on the water as I reached out to touch his arm.

"Forest!" I called out, but I didn't know how to save him. He was lost to me. In the space of just an hour, my whole world came crashing down.

The nannies and servants came running, finding my baby brother had drowned. There were screams and shouts, then the blaming began. Aunt Vivian appeared as if from out of no where as they lay Forest's cold, stiff body at the edge of the pool.

"Lawrence did it," she accused. "He was jealous of the baby. He held his head under the water."

I cried and shook my head, but no one seemed to believe me. They looked at me like I was some monster, an vile, evil creature who would kill his own little brother.

"I didn't do it," I sobbed, but no one would listen.

When mother came home, they told her that her baby was dead, and she became hysterical. "Not Forest. No, not Forest! Not my baby!" she sobbed as she fell upon the stone floor in anguish.

"I loved him most!" I heard her utter.

Hearing my mother's cries, I knew Forest should have been spared. Mother loved him most, and everyone was blaming me. I wanted to go back in time and make it so I was the one floating on the water. I wanted Forest to live, because he was perfect, and I was nothing but unworthy.

As the weeks passed, my mother's condition deteriorated until she eventually lost her mind. She was no longer the mother I once knew and servants had to tend to her constantly. My father became despondent, and our world was cold and empty. My brother had been the light in my dark existence and without him, I too began to crumble. Those days are hazy to me now as I became so distraught that a doctor had to come to the estate and give me medication.

My parents wanted me to forget Forest and his death. They wanted to wipe away the memory of his loss so we'd all forget the heartache. The drugs they administered did strange things to my psyche. I had blackouts and when I'd awaken, Aunt Vivian would tell me the awful things I had done.

"You drowned your mother's cat in the well."

"You destroyed the roses in the garden."

"You pushed a servant down on the stones and caused her to break her leg."

Always it was something horrid I had done to make me fear my parents would no longer love me. Who could love me? I was such a disgusting beast! Would I ever find happiness and love again after losing Forest?

It would be many years until I met you. I would be a man then; a man of twenty-five. But in the quiet stillness, that one sweet moment my eyes met yours, I knew I had found it again. I had found love.

Always yours,  
_Lawrence James Alamain_


	2. Letter Number 2

**Letter Number 2**

My Dearest Katerina,

When did I discover the day you and I were to be wed? It would have to be the day of your birth, November 6, 1971 - that is the day we were told that your mother had given birth to an infant girl and a pre-arranged marriage would be forged. You had been named Katerina Cristiana VonLousner and that very day, my father had a wedding coin made in gold which featured both of our names. The coin had been cut in half, each of it's pieces resembling a golden teardrop, and I was given my half to wear upon a chain around my neck. Your half had been shipped to your parents, and when you came of age, it would be given to you in pledge of our future wedding. On your twenty-fifth birthday, the day of our wedding, the two halves of the coin could finally be joined at the same time and our hearts would become One.

Because I fancied our joining to be some sort of fairy tale, I often daydreamed of the day you and I would meet. I knew I would find you long before your twenty-fifth birthday. I had decided that as soon as you were old enough, I would search for you. I would come to you, and I would get to know my future wife. If there was no spark of attraction, I would ask my father to set you free from our bond. Just like you, I had no desire to enter into a marriage without love.

Believe me, Katerina, before we met, I had many affairs. I was only 15 when Aunt Vivian announced it was time I became a man. She hired a woman to seduce me, and when my parents were away, I lost my virginity. What followed was a string of meaningless encounters. By the time I reached my nineteenth birthday, I had been with more women than I can count. Although the sex was satisfying, I found myself longing for love - the kind of love I had always daydreamed about with you, the woman I would someday marry and cherish as my bride.

I wanted the kind of love my parents had never had. My father loved my mother, and he mourned her passing when I was twelve, but she didn't love him back with the same passion. She had never been happy in Alamainia and she had always longed for something more. Sadly, Father couldn't give it to her; he didn't possess what it was she needed. They were both wounded souls, forced into a loveless marriage with complete strangers when they came of age. I vowed that wouldn't happen to me; to us.

I hired a private investigator to begin looking for you as soon as you turned thirteen. I wanted to know everything there was to know about you, the woman I would someday marry. Granted then, you were only a teen, but when the information and the photos arrived, I was more than just intrigued. Being a man of twenty-four years, I knew it was far too soon for you and I to get together. I would wait as long as I possibly could, then when the time was right, I would strike. I would immerse myself in your life, and if you came to love me, and in turn I came to love you, then we could proceed with our planned marriage. I would accept the arrangement my father had made. But if by chance there was no bright light that existed between us, I prayed our parents would release us from the pact. I did not want a marriage like that of my parents. I wanted something different and far better.

We met in Paris at the Musée et Jardin on the eve of your fifteen birthday. I had sent a letter for you to meet me there, pretending I was your brother. You arrived at our pre-arranged meeting place, your hair a soft cascade of dark curls. Your eyes resembled two sparkling sapphires as I introduced myself to you as James.

You see, Katerina, after two years of studying you and learning everything I could about you, including your likes and your dislikes, I had discovered that what you loathed more than anything was me. I came to you in the form of James, a man you could not despise, and in the instant that we met, I knew I had discovered my destiny.

To me, I wasn't telling you a lie and weaving a web of deception, I was just bending the truth in some small way so I'd have a chance to know you. I hoped you would come to know me as the man I truly was, not the unknown person you would be forced to marry.

One small lie lead to another, until suddenly I was leading a double life. During the day I was Lawrence Alamain, heir to the Alamain fortune ... but on nights and weekends, I was with you, learning the joys of young love, caught up in a web of tenderness and passion of which I was not prepared.

I know if I could go back, I would not change a thing ... except that I would have been honest with you. I would have stopped the deception that nearly ruined our lives. If I could go back in time, I would have told you I was Lawrence Alamain. You would have heard it from me and not my aunt. My lies cost us so many years of happiness and probably our son. Had I told the truth, maybe he wouldn't have been taken from you upon his birth. Maybe we would have had many years of happiness together with our little boy. But the fact remains that I can't go back in time. I cannot change the events as they played out. I can only tell you that I love you - I've ALWAYS loved you... and I'm sorry. Please forgive me, Katerina. I was... and I am... a broken man.

Always yours,  
_Lawrence James Alamain_


	3. Letter Number 3

**Letter Number 3**

My Dearest Katerina,

I had developed a new identity as James. My only goal was to make you accept me and fall in love with me. Lord knows you would never love me as Lawrence Alamain. Although we had never met before that day in the museum, you had heard all about me and my family. You saw the Alamains as ruthless in their pursuit of wealth and power. You had heard many tales of my evil deeds as well as my wild past with women. You were disgusted by the mere thought of me. You secretly planned to run away and change your identity, so you'd never have to meet or marry me.

This lead to the deception you carried out along with your boarding school friend, Jennifer Horton. I had taken matters into my own hands and despite my father's disapproval, I had hired a private investigator to snap photos of my bride-to-be. When I saw the photos, I instantly fell in love. I decided I must meet you, in hopes you would fall in love with me, too. I sent you an invitation to accompany me to dinner at a restaurant in Paris.

It was actually your best friend who stood in for you and wore a dark wig. She posed as you to fool me when we went out to dinner that night. Since I had seen your photos, I knew immediately that Jennifer was an impostor. When the night ended, I took her back to the dormitory of the boarding school, tugged her into my embrace and gave her a long, passionate kiss. She pulled away. stunned, staring into my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't stop myself," I told her. In truth, I had _wanted_ to kiss her. I wanted her to tell you of the passion I had showered upon her. I wanted you to be angry and jealous. Little did I know that my actions would have the opposite effect.

When you found out I had kissed Jennifer, you were appalled. My actions caused you to despise your intended husband even more. Realizing you were never going to meet me willingly and desperate to get to know you and win your love, I devised a plan. I became James Armand. I sent a note to you, telling you to meet your brother, Francois at the museum. You arrived and waited for her brother, but he never showed up. Instead, I appeared, introducing myself to you as James Armand. You were quite taken with James. It wasn't long before you were sneaking away from school to be with me.

I took you to romantic bistros and ballroom dances. We had long strolls through park. It was not long at all before I had talked you into going with me to my villa in Italy for a passionate getaway. It was there that I read you romantic poetry. Despite my vow to wait, I couldn't resist my feelings for you. I took your virginity. I will never forget those days and nights, Katerina. They are burned in my memory for all eternity. I made you mine then. You said you'd love me always. We thought we had forever. Little did we know that our days were numbered.

We later went to Saint Moritz with the intention of skiing, only to be snowed in. We made love for hours beside the fire. My heart was the happiest it has ever been. I had everything, Katerina. I had you... and I mistakenly believed I could never lose you. I did not know that evil forces were at work to destroy everything I had ever loved.

Aunt Vivian had discovered what I was doing, masquerading as James and meeting up with you. She vowed her beloved nephew would never marry a girl whom she thought wasn't good enough. Little did I know Aunt Vivian was a cruel, unbalanced woman capable of horrible deeds and even murder. She pretended to be a loving, caring aunt who only cared about me and adored me like a son. When she confronted me with my scheme of pretending to be James, I begged her not to tell you the truth. Vivian said she would never tell and pretended to be supportive, when in truth, she wanted to destroy our relationship. She acted like she adored you, but actually she despised you and wanted you gone.

Our happy times would soon come to an end, but those days will live on in my heart forever more. My memories are all I have now. For the rest of my days, I will remember you.

Always Yours,  
_Lawrence James Alamain_


	4. Letter Number 4

**Letter Number 4**

_My Dearest Katerina,_

All of our happy days led up the day of the ill-fated ball and the night my deception was revealed to you. Aunt Vivian was a cruel, unbalanced woman, capable of horrible deeds and even murder. She pretended to be a loving, caring aunt who only cared about me and adored me like a son. As trusting as I was then, I had no clue she was about to betray me. I had no clue the lengths she would go through to separate us and make you hate me.

My evil aunt had discovered what I was doing, masquerading as James and meeting up with you. She vowed her beloved nephew would never marry a girl whom she thought wasn't good enough. Little did she know I would never love anyone the way I loved you, and little did she know that she would destroy the goodness inside of me. I would become careless, ruthless, and hateful. Because of her actions that long ago day, I became like her, scarred, angry, and bitter.

On the night of the ball, she confronted me with my scheme of pretending to be James. I begged her not to tell you the truth. I begged her to give me more time to reveal the truth to you in my own way so you would not be hurt. Vivian said she would never tell and pretended to be supportive of our relationship. In truth, she wanted to destroy everything we had. She acted like she adored you and had only your best interest at heart, but in actuality, she despised you and wanted you gone.

On the night of a masquerade ball at Vivian's French Villa, she chose to unveil the truth. She told you that I had been deceiving you for months and that I was really the man you despised, your betrothed, Lawrence Alamain. I know you didn't want to believe it at first, but Vivian showed you proof of my deception (my passport), and in our bedroom you confronted me with what you had learned. I couldn't deny it. I admitted that I was in fact Lawrence Alamain, the man you claimed to despise. You said you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I was stunned. I didn't know how you could have found out. I begged you not to leave me, but with Aunt Vivian's help, you did escape. You left me... and I wanted to die.

But I picked myself up off the ground and I did what I had to do. I vowed I would do anything to find you. I sent my men out to look for you, knowing I would turn the world upside down until I found the woman I loved. I was determined to get you back. Little did I know that it would be many, many years before I would hold you in my arms again.

I, or shall I say Vivian... had shattered it all.

Always Yours,

_Lawrence James Alamain_


	5. Letter Number 5

**Letter Number 5**

_My Dearest Katerina,_

Your departure had left me a broken man. I was only a shell of my former self. I was desperate to get you back and to find you. You believed the man you loved, James, was actually an evil beast, Lawrence Alamain. After losing you, I became that evil beast you had feared. Sadly, I was just as manipulated by Vivian as you were, and I had no clue she was playing us both.

I did not know that she had you hidden at a nearby convent, and that she was keeping you protected as you were lost in a sea of pain and sadness, betrayed by my lies. I had no clue that the mysterious fainting spell you had experienced just days before the ball meant that you were expecting my child. I did not realize that once you reached the convent, those incidents became more frequent and that a kindly nun had helped you to face the truth - you were pregnant by the man that you had come to hate.

You were scared and you did not know if you could keep the child... and through all of it, Vivian was secretly plotting. Vivian said she would be there for you and that she would keep me as far away as possible. In the meantime, I was relentless in my search for you, but my efforts had turned up nothing. I was a broken man without you, and I had vowed that no matter what, I would find the woman I loved.

Vivian pretended to console me. I had no clue that she was the one that had torn us apart in the first place. After weeks of searching, Vivian began pushing me into sleeping with other women because, as she said, you were probably never coming back. I refused to believe I'd never see the woman who had my heart.

I had no idea that you weren't doing well in your pregnancy, and you were suffering from bleeding and cramping. Several times you had nearly gone into preterm labor. No, all this I would not learn until so much later. Vivian had summoned a doctor to care for you, but she had paid him to keep the whole thing quiet and do everything exactly as she wanted it to be done. By now, you had decided to keep our baby as the child was a part of you and despite everything you had come to love the tiny life you were carrying. You couldn't wait to meet our precious child and finally have some joy in your unhappy and lonely existence.

But it wasn't to be...

Four weeks early, you had gone into labor and this time, Dr. Goddard could not stop the contractions. At Vivian's urging, he kept you heavily sedated during our child's birth. When the baby was born, Vivian whisked the child away. When you awakened hours later, my aunt told you that our son had died. You begged to see and hold our child, but Vivian informed you that the child had already been buried. You were haunted by our son's painful birth and the fact that you had not been able to hold him and say goodbye, but what disturbed you the most is this nagging feeling that our little boy wasn't really dead... Years later, you would tell me that you used to have foggy memories of hearing a baby's cry right after the birth, although Vivian claimed that the child had never drawn a single breath.

In an effort to say goodbye to our child and move on with your life, you decided to leave the convent and move to Tahiti. There you would continue with medical school and became a brilliant doctor.

But before you left for Tahiti, you had gone to London to meet with your brother and tell him goodbye. Your plan was to change your life and your identity and you feared you may never see him again.

As you were waiting in a small cafe for Francois, I tracked you to your location. I tried to make you listen to me and we ended up having a viscous argument. You slapped me and called me a liar and a fake after I professed my love and begged you to forgive me. A man came to your aid whom we would later learn was Bo Brady.

Once again, you escaped me and you left for Tahiti. You took on the identity of Carly Manning and did everything in your power to leave your old life behind. You were trying to forget me and everything we had shared. You tried to block the memories of our son and his death, unknowing that he was really alive and had been "adopted" by Vivian, my scheming and deceitful aunt.

I too tried to go on with my life, but I never forgot my Katerina.

There were many women, countless meaningless encounters, but nothing that came even close to comparing to my one great love. I spent most of my life in solitude, only seeing Vivian, my servant Ivan, and the adorable little boy Vivian had "adopted." The child's name was Nicholas and I felt a bond with him I could not explain. Oftentimes I could see so much of myself in Nicky and it seemed that he was the only thing of good left in my shattered life.

To block out the pain, Vivian started giving me the drugs again. The blackouts returned, and I sunk deeper into a deep, dark, bottomless pit. There was only one thing left that could save me, Katerina... and that one thing was you.

_Always Yours,_

Lawrence James Alamain


	6. Letter Number 6

**Letter Number 6**

_My Dearest Katerina,_

Years would pass before I would lay eyes on you again after arguing with you in that London Cafe. You were in Tahiti, living under your new identity, and despite my efforts, I could not find you.

You left Tahiti in the early 90's and settled in Salem. As soon as you moved to Salem, you were shocked to meet up with two people you knew - Jennifer Horton, your long lost boarding school friend and Bo Brady, the man who had broken up the quarrel between you and me in the cafe.

After years apart from you, I had decided that I must do something drastic to bring you to my side. I kidnapped your brother Francois. I made it clear that I would not relinquish your brother until you handed over your family's fortune as well as Bo Brady. I knew that it was just a matter of time before you showed up in Alamania, intent on rescuing your younger brother.

I waited for you to show, but you were not the only one who arrived in Alamania. Jennifer Horton arrived, once again pretending to be you. I went along with the farce at first, romancing my "intended" bride. After I revealed to her that I knew the truth that she was NOT Katerina VonLoushner, she tried to escape me. My anger at her deception, coupled with the fear that may never see you again, brought out the beast in me. I attacked Jennifer, and in a haze of drugs given to me by Vivian, I forced myself on her at my family's estate.

When I awakened the next morning, I was sickened by what I had done. Jennifer had escaped me, and I knew it was just a matter of time before everything came crumbling down around me. Once she told you of the disgusting act I had committed upon her, you'd hate me forever.

I arrived in Salem to find that my fears had come true. You knew of my latest "crimes" and you hated me far more than you had before. You became involved with Bo Brady, and I did everything I could to get you back. Sadly however, none of my efforts were successful. You married Bo Brady in a symbolic Mayan wedding and moved in with him on his boat.

In 1992, a demented Raffi Torres kidnapped Bo and threatened you and Bo's young son. I rushed to your side to help you, and at the lighthouse, I bared my soul to you. I did everything in my power to make you see that I still loved you. You were grateful that I had rescued you and Shawn Douglas, but you claimed to love Bo. You stated that there was no room for me in your life.

The nightmares of our child's loss had come back to haunt you, so you told Bo that years ago you had given birth to my child. With Bo's urging, you began doing research into our son's death. You soon discovered that our child had not died. Meanwhile, I was doing some research of my own. I had found out about our baby, and with the help of Lisanne (my lover and attorney), I learned that the baby had survived. When I confronted you with what I discovered, you denied that I had fathered your child. Days later however, you told me the truth. The baby you delivered had been mine.

Nothing can describe the pain and loss I felt upon learning that we had created a child and that our baby had died. I realize my agony had to have been nothing compared to yours. You had carried our son for eight months. He was a part of you... a part of both of us... and grieving his death brought you and I closer together. For the first time in many years, you and I were finally beginning to bond.

On the day you were set to marry Bo Brady, I discovered that Nicholas was our son. Vivian had run off with our child, and I had to interrupt your wedding so we could find our little boy. My aunt's betrayal sickened me. Not only had she stolen our child and passed him off as a child she had adopted, she let you believe that he was dead for nine years of his life.

We were able to reunite with Nicholas, and our love for him would bond us as nothing else ever could. When he accidentally pushed Lisanne and caused her to hit her head on a stone statue, you and I decided to do whatever we had to do to protect him. It wasn't long at all until we revealed to Nicky that were were his parents. From that point on, he did everything he could to reunite us. He wasn't fond of Bo, and all he wanted was a family. You and I were getting closer, but Bo Brady always stood in our way.

We tolerated Vivian because we did not want to upset Nicholas who still believed she was a loving, caring aunt. Little did we know that Vivian was planning her next scheme. She had enlisted the help of Dr. Wu who had given her some herbs to make you behave irrationally. She spiked your drinks with the herbs on more than one occasion, and on the night of a dinner at the Penthouse Grill, she instigated an argument with you on the terrace. She then proceeded to throw herself over the railing.

At the hospital, Vivian stated that you had pushed her. Fortunately, no one believed her claims. A witness had seen Vivian jumping. Not only did Vivian's plan backfire, but she was now paralyzed from the waist down.

It wasn't long at all before my disturbed aunt came up with her next plan to destroy you. At the hospital, she began injecting your patients with cleaning fluid. She nearly got away with her crime, but Caroline Brady discovered what she had been doing. The two had an altercation and when you tried to stop it, you fell on the needle containing cleaning fluid and went into a coma.

Nothing would prepare me for the loss and devastation which would follow. My aunt had injected your IV with herbs that made you appear dead. When I heard the news I crumbled.

Like a broken man, I appeared at your bedside. How could I say goodbye to the woman I loved and tell our precious son that you had died? With streaming eyes, I poured my heart out to you. I apologized for all the ways I had hurt you. Little did I know that you could hear every word I said.

Not knowing that you were really alive, everyone who loved you prepared for your funeral. It was time, once and for all, to say my goodbyes to my Katerina.

_Always Yours,_

Lawrence James Alamain


	7. Letter Number 7

**Letter Number 7**

_My Dearest Katerina,_

I thought I had lost you forever. My heart was broken, and I went into a terrible state of mourning. I would have crumbled completely if it wasn't for our precious son. I had to be strong for Nicholas, our dear, sweet boy. His little heart was shattered on the day we learned you had died.

But we did not know that you weren't really dead. Vivian had a special coffin built for you. It featured interior lights, an air tank, and a two-way speaker on which she would taunt you. Everyone who loved you thought you had left us. You were buried in the Salem Cemetery. With bitter tears, we said our good-byes. We walked away, never realizing that my demented aunt, Vivian Alamain had you buried alive.

Moving on with my life without you was not an option. I couldn't stop looking at the photographs of you and I when we were happy and in love. Now we'd never have a chance to mend all the broken pieces of our love. The chances were all gone.

Vivian came home from the hospital and she had a change of heart. Tearfully, she admitted to me the horrible crimes she had committed. I couldn't believe it when she said that she had given you herbs which made it seem as though you were dead. When it started to sink in, I was horrified. You were alive inside your coffin and your air was running out!

We rushed to the cemetery, me, Vivian, and Ivan, and I began to dig you up with my bare hands. I prayed it wouldn't be too late as we urgently tore at the soil in an attempt to save you. After I lifted you from the velvet bed of your casket, I held you against my chest. You were cold and clammy as my tears dripped upon your face.

"Don't die on me, Katerina. Don't die!" I begged of you.

I wanted to take you to the hospital for care, but Vivian protested. She said only Dr. Wu could help you, because he had given you the herbs. I took you back to my mansion and did not leave your side as you drifted in and out of consciousness. When you eventually opened your eyes, your memory was skewed. You were trapped somewhere back in time, in that sweet moment when we had first fell in love, and you called me James.

You didn't remember Bo or Nicolas. It was as if a major chunk of your life had been erased from your memory. I realized then that I had a second chance, in more ways than one, and I could not waste it. I had to do everything right this time. I had to save you...and in the process, I had to save our troubled relationship.

I told you the truth... the truth I should have told you so many years ago before Vivian had ruined it for us the night of the ball. "I am not James, Katerina. I am Lawrence Alamain," I divulged. At first you were shocked and I thought maybe I would lose you, but then to my great delight, you forgave me. We held each other, and everything was right for a moment. I had you back, and our love had been renewed. I did not want to let you go, not even for a second.

We made plans to leave for Paris, but when you saw Nicholas, your memory suddenly returned. The recent years came rushing back, and you remembered everything. At first I feared I would lose you again; that you'd go back to Bo, but to my great joy and happiness, you stated you wanted to remain with me. For the first time ever, you believed me to be the man you fell in love with all those years ago.

My cruel aunt was sent away to an insane asylum for her crimes, and you, Nicholas, and I left for Europe. I had you back in my arms, Katerina. For a brief, precious moment, I had EVERYTHING. I mistakenly believed it to be the beginning of our happily ever after.

Little did I know that there would be more heartache and devastation to come.

_Always Yours,_

Lawrence James Alamain


	8. Letter Number 8

**Letter Number 8**

_My Dearest Katerina,_

When we left Salem and arrived in Paris, we were embarking on an incredible adventure. It was the happiest time of our lives. We had each other and we had Nicky - we had EVERYTHING!

We were married in a French cathedral. On our wedding day, you told me your greatest desire. You longed to have another baby. Trying to have a child with Bo had left you hopeless. The doctors had said you'd never conceive again, but I promised you would. I would find the best doctors in Europe, and we would have another child. I swore on everything sacred that you and I would have a new baby together, one that this time Vivian could not take away.

We purchased a mansion in Paris and enrolled our son at the finest boarding school. With Nicky away at school, you had time to concentrate on your career as a doctor. You were saving lives, and in your spare time, we were seeing doctors. We went to countless fertility clinics, looking for someone who could give us some shred of hope that we might have conceive another child. Finally after months of disappointment, we found a doctor who promised to help us make our dreams come true.

We had been married nearly two years when you announced that you were pregnant. We were having another baby! With our miracle child growing inside of you, we had never known such bliss. We set up a nursery, awaiting that blessed day of our child's arrival. We could not wait to hold our new baby in our arms and share our lives with him or her.

But sadly, Katerina, that day would never come. It is with great sorrow that I must put down my pen... and leave the rest of that sad story for yet another letter. I ask that before you open my next correspondence that you will have plenty of tissues on hand. I love you, my darling. Never forget that.

_Until my last days and till the end of the world,  
Forever Yours,_

Lawrence James Alamain


	9. Letter Number 9

**Letter Number 9**

_My Dearest Katerina,_

Life after we were married wasn't what we expected. Although we loved our son very much, we weren't able to have another child. Our sweet baby daughter, Kyra Elizabeth Alamain had passed away soon after birth. We were both devastated.

The loss of our daughter was difficult for both of us, but the situation became worse when our son returned to boarding school, leaving our mansion barren and empty. You seemed to believe that somehow I blamed you for the loss of our daughter as well as the inability to become pregnant again even though we continued to try. After several IVF attempts ended in loss and failure, you threw yourself into your work at the hospital as our marriage began to fall apart.

Our marriage wasn't all that was crumbing. I feared for my own sanity, although I could not understand the cause of all my dark rages. After several intense arguments, you began to fear me. I had no idea that one lonely night you had sought comfort in the arms of a co-worker. Immediately, you regretted your actions. You hoped I would never discover your affair.

Vivian, who still wanted revenge on you for having taken Nicholas, had gotten out of the mental hospital. She had her servant start an investigation. She discovered that you had been unfaithful. It wasn't long at all until the rest of it was known. You were pregnant ... and the child you carried wasn't mine. Seeking help from Dr. Wuu again, Vivian had been giving me herbs, causing me to have angry episodes which exploded into violence.

When you came to me, tearfully confessing your affair and your resulting pregnancy, I lost it. "You'll never see that child and as soon as it is born, I am sending it away!" I threatened.

You begged me not to take your baby away. You said you wanted to love and raise the baby together. "It's not MY baby. MY baby is dead!" I yelled, slapping you across the face for the first time ever.

You were hurt and heartbroken, horrified that I had struck you. You had no clue that Aunt Vivian had been giving me powerful herbs for months, slowly causing me to descend into madness.

Over the weeks and months that followed, you watched your loving husband become a cold, ruthless monster of man. On the day of your baby girl's birth, I came into the hospital room, wrenching your newborn daughter out of your arms. "Kiss her goodbye; you'll NEVER see her again," I hissed.

You could only sob and kiss the tiny infant good-bye, memorizing every detail of her beautiful face. There was nothing you could do as I had threatened to harm your baby girl. You now lived in constant fear of the man you had once loved. There was no loving the beast that I had become.

At the hospital, I held the baby in my arms, looking down at her tiny face and seeing a glimpse of our daughter Kyra in those bright blue eyes. At first I thought I could love her, then I realized this wasn't Kyra but the result of my beloved Katerina having cheated on me, so I sent the baby away. I gave her to the Layton's. When you sobbed, I taunted that the child was better off without her "whoring" mother.

From that point on, our lives became an endless cycle of anger, violence, pain, and resentment... By October 2009, there was very little left of the man I had been. You wanted to escape me and make a better life. You wanted to find your daughter and reunite with our son Nicholas, but I couldn't abide by the thought that you would leave me.

Like so many times before, we got into a terrible fight. But this time, you stabbed me in the stomach. I fell to the floor, proclaiming that you would never, EVER find your daughter. You left me lying there in a pool of my own blood as you returned to Salem, hoping that some of your old friends would help you.

For many years you had kept the secret that your brief affair had produced a daughter, Melanie Layton. To your surprise, you came to discovered that Melanie was now living in Salem.

You formed a close connection to your daughter, although she was not pleased with your interference in her life. Not long after you were reunited with her, Vivian, too, arrived in Salem. Vivian was out to get revenge for my death (or so she said). Vivian decided to kill your daughter.

On Philip and Melanie's wedding day, Vivian lured Melanie up on the roof. You followed, pulling a gun on Vivian to stop her. Just as you fired the shot, Melanie stepped in front of Vivian to protect her. You were horrified when you shot your own daughter.

Melanie thankfully lived and you told her that she was your daughter. You explained that I had forced you to give her away at birth. At first Melanie didn't want to forgive you. She felt you had abandoned her, but gradually the two of you bonded. For once, you had found some happiness in Salem with your daughter Melanie despite the fact that our son Nicholas continued to blame you for my death.

But my darling, your biggest surprise ever was yet to come...

_Forever praying for your forgiveness,_

Lawrence James Alamain


	10. Letter Number 10

_Author's Note: This is my last memoir for Lawrence. What's going to happen next in his story with Carly? I will let the answer be up to you._

**Letter Number 10**

_My dearest Katerina,_

So now you know the truth- every single bit of it. You know that I am alive. You know that Vivian orchestrated every single tragedy you and I went through. You know that I feel remorse for all the hurt I have ever caused you. I never wanted to hurt you (but I know that I did). I made mistakes... but despite that, I only wanted to love you. If I could make everything right and take away all your tears, I would.

I have recovered fully from when you stabbed me. I do not blame you. You were only trying to kill the monster who gave away your child and threatened her life. You were trying to destroy the monster I had become. In so many ways, you did succeed. I am now back to the man I once was... the one you came to love. Knowing this... do you still want me? Could you ever forgive me? Is there still a chance for us? How would you react if I should suddenly show up back in Salem... if I return to your life?

I love you... and I love our son... and I want you back in my life. Remembering you is not enough. I want you back in my arms again. I want another chance for us.

I promise you... this time, things will be different. I will never let Vivian come between us. I will search to the ends of the earth and I will destroy her. I will rid the world of the filth that is my aunt. She'll never hurt you, me, Nicholas, or your daughter again. We deserve so much more than the pain she has inflicted on us.

Please don't allow the pain of our past to destroy our future. Remember all we once were and all we can be. I love you, Katerina... and I am coming home to you.

_Because I never stopped loving you,_

Lawrence James Alamain


End file.
